perils with writing and whatnot
I’ve lost my ambition. My inclination is to put the entire blame on the circumstances of the routine I’ve been forced into during this last month. What’s more, I think some would agree with me. The routine, though, is just a part of the trouble.
As you can see by my blog here, I’m slowly accomplishing what I have set out to do, taking the craft of writing more seriously. Additionally, if you looked at my other two blogs (called journals at their respective sites); you would find that I’ve successfully moved my desires to ramble to these places online. (There is a reason for having two instead of one, but that discussion is in these two journals. Explaining here is redundant. The one completely open to all is at LiveJournal.)
The obscurity of my motivation is with my writing off-line, with my fictional story/book. The shadows of the plot that I have had from the beginning are still there. Little clips of what changes I’m sure of for my second draft are firm in my thoughts. Yet the push to move forward is hiding somewhere within the nooks and crannies of my mind.
Writing by scene has gotten me this far, eight scenes all together now. (How I’ll arrange them into chapters is something I haven’t thought too much about.) Yet I feel that so little has been revealed within all these pages. I’m left feeling that I’m not getting anywhere.
When I allow the rational part of my brain to come forward, I realize that with a writing project this big and still in the early stages, I shouldn’t be expecting great leaps and bounds. I tell myself, “Many writers take a few years to write a story. There is nothing saying that I can’t do the same thing.”
Then my natural tendencies to be a right-brained thinker pop in, shoving all rationality away. “There are also plenty of authors who are writing stories within a few months. Why can’t I do the same? Where has my drive gone?” The answer is where I want to place all fault. I tell myself it’s because of my current circumstances.
Although part of the blame is with the calamity in my home, more of my demise is due to lack of sureness. It was just yesterday that I decided to give up, not for good but long enough to get some bearings on where I am going and at what speed. During this small but important quest, I hope to find productive ways to display my other pieces and improve on what I’ve already done for my story.
Certainty eluding, I feel that this is a plausible supplementary exertion.
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