perils with writing and whatnot
It started this last Thursday.
Hubby’s job hours and group homes were switched around. He’s a Direct Personal Assistant (DPA), which is a politically correct term for ‘Care Giver’ these days. He had been working on the second shift in a group home where the residences were severely challenged (disabled). Now he works in a group home where the residents can do a number of things for themselves and his hours are from 8am to 8pm.
I was a little apprehensive about how Hubby would react to these changes but the life in his eyes and the uplift in his voice when he came home that first night told me that this move was a good one.
The changes this new schedule has brought home has been good for the most part. I don’t feel that what I do as far as housework goes is going to be undone within four hours. The living room is going to stay relatively clean for a while. The dishes I wash won’t be replace immediately by dirty ones that need to be washed. Yes, as wonderful as Hubby is, he is also a slob most of the time. Yet, with these twelve-hour shifts for three days in a row, his one flaw is easier to tolerate.
Still, there is one aspect to this new schedule that has left me completely confounded. My ability to sit myself down and start writing has diminished. The sitting down part still is there, although I find that I have to force it more often. Trying to write has become almost impossible. I find myself looking at a blank page wondering how I should start out, or wondering if I have anything to start out with. Other times, I know what I want to writing… but after the first sentence is down, everything I had been thinking about vanished. I’m utterly lost.
Why should having more ‘quiet time’ to write have such a negative effect? I was expecting the opposite to happen.
As I contemplate on this dilemma, I try to figure out what the real problem is. Am I disturbed by the longer absence of my husband? Do I work better under some sort of pressure? Or could it be that I’m just taking some time to get use to all of this?
I doubt that I’m uncomfortable with Hubby’s longer hours at work. He’s worked twelve-hour shifts before and they never bothered me. I’m one of those people who rather prefer solitude. There are times when I will retreat to the bedroom to get that time by myself. The longer hours of Hubby’s work give me more room to be alone.
There is a possibility that I do work better under pressure. However, I really don’t think it’s the type of pressure that comes from outside myself. I’m a person who will show up a little early to avoid the stress of having to hurry for someone else. I guess I would rather create my own parameters of pressure. With this said, this could mean that I need to set up a more ridged schedule for the time when I write. I know that writers do this sort of thing all the time.
There is also the possibility that I need some time to adjust to Hubby’s new schedule. Although he has done it before, it’s been years since it’s been commonplace in our lives. And let’s face it, I’m older and more set in my ways now.
Thanks for letting me use you as a sounding board. Sometimes just expressing it and thinking that someone is paying some attention to it, if only for a moment, can do a world of good.
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