A Scripted Maze

perils with writing and whatnot

Personal Dystopia

After writing posts about the drastic change that began to happen in my life at the age of 17, I’ve decided to write a post that’s philosophical in nature. Going from an overactive teenager to a crippled one who appeared to have nothing in her future but sorrow is devastating.
You did catch that word, appeared, didn’t you?

First, I needed to look up the word, dystopia. Obviously it was bound to mean something than the perfect society, utopia.

Dystopia: an imaginary place where people lead dehumanized and often fearful lives

From the outside looking in on my circumstances, it seemed as though I would be powerless, helpless, trapped, and without any hope for the rest of my life. And there were many times during the first few years when I felt that way. Often I would tell people that I became dependent on Independence Day. Yet, somehow those feeling have never lasted very long.

The one thing I almost always feel negative about myself is the same thing that I’ve been fighting since I was a little kid. It has absolutely nothing to do with the disability I acquired. Somehow, without any effort, I’ve been able to separate my disability from who and what I am.

At first, I was able to battle these negative feels with a little help from the loved ones around me. I’d fall because of lack of balance, drop something because I didn’t have the right grip in the one and only hand that works, or I wouldn’t be able to spell a simple word I used to write out all the time before that terrible day. My mom, my brother, or Courtney who lived in back of us would tell me with certainty in his or her voice that I could do it. “Just try again.” “Take your time and work on it.”

I eventually learned to tell myself to remember how I had to do the same things to learn how to ride a bike, swim, and play the flute.

I know a few people through blogs here on the Internet who combat with depression. Because of what I’ve been through, I do believe I understand the powerless, helpless, trapped, hopeless feels they have. Dear fellow bloggers, I could try to tell you how to gain what you think you don’t have, but from what I have learned thus far, you can only learn it for yourself. Opening up the memories is difficult to say the least, but that is exactly where you’re going to find what you feel you’re missing, where you’re going to find your strength.

Something else I’ve learned along the way is how to look at life as a whole. In our world, I think many put their lives in tiny little blocks trying to separate everything and then getting frustrated and depressed when it’s impossible to do that. I’ve gotten rid of all the blocks of my life and now consider my life one big huge mess that can have many wonderful, happy and sad parts that always mingle with each other. I don’t try so hard to figure out my life.

I just live it now.

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11 comments on “Personal Dystopia

  1. fingerprintwriting
    2014/05/12

    Jolly, Jolly, Jolly! I love your last name and it’s great that you chose to be jolly:) I admire your choices – you are an inspiration. Thanks for sharing your stories. Have a great balance of the week, Glynis.

    Like

    • Glynis Jolly
      2014/05/13

      Life is going to happen its own way no matter how we feel about it. Just going with what comes along seems to be the only way to get through out without losing your sanity. 😀

      Thank you for the compliment. Life is grand.

      Like

  2. skinnyuz2b
    2014/05/11

    Glynnis, I really like your words “now consider my life one big huge mess that can have many wonderful, happy and sad parts that always mingle with each other.” But you’re right, it is often hard to see the big picture, instead of focusing on ourselves.
    I hope you are always like your name – Jolly.

    Like

    • Glynis Jolly
      2014/05/11

      About my last name — when my mother found out that I was marrying someone with the last name, Jolly, she asked me if I was going to keep my last name from before (Pierce) or use my maiden name. I thought it was a worthless question actually but I answered. I said I was taking his name. She frowned. My brother, on the other hand, said that I could make extra money a Christmas time offer temporary adoptions for a fee so that others could be Jolly too. Yes, living with this name can be challenging sometimes, but my maiden name was hard to live with at times too. With the last name, Roth, kids would laugh and say “Grapes of Roth”. It’s all the same to me anymore.

      Like

  3. April
    2014/05/10

    In the end, it is up to ourselves to make the choices how we wish to live. There are some who need a little more encouragement and support, but there are some wonderful things going on all the time. We just have to pay attention and not let the bad stuff drag us down. Just what you said, and you seem to have a great grasp of living live Today!

    Like

    • Glynis Jolly
      2014/05/10

      “it is up to ourselves to make the choices”

      You’ve said it all, April.

      Like

  4. mewhoami
    2014/05/10

    You are a living example of overcoming obstacles and it’s great that you can use that to teach others that they can overcome as well. I don’t suffer with depression, but I do have my down days. That’s where I’ve had to learn to pick myself up off the floor and keep on trucking.

    Like

    • Glynis Jolly
      2014/05/10

      Although I have bouts of depression, it’s been from the General Anxiety Disorder. As look as I take my meds regularly, I don’t have any of the symptoms.

      Overcoming obstacles is just a way to get through life without losing your sanity.

      Like

  5. Let's CUT the Crap!
    2014/05/10

    I do not know you well enough, Glynis but you strike me as a compassionate, grounded woman with awesome inner strength. Thank you for sharing your story and inner thoughts. 😉

    Like

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This entry was posted on 2014/05/10 by in contemplation and tagged , , , .

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