A Scripted Maze

perils with writing and whatnot

Knowing Stranger – part 3

If you missed part one of this series, click here to read. If you missed part two, click here to read.

Knowing Stranger

Image provided by
Charlie Boy Criscola @ https://www.flickr.com/photos/charlieboy808/

Neil arrived at Janice’s a little early. He didn’t hesitate to knock on the door. He heard muffled noises coming from inside as if someone was talking. He couldn’t make out if it was a male or female voice. A couple of minutes went by before the door opened.

“You’re early.”

“Is someone else here? Did I interrupt something?”

“No. You’re early.” Janice said as she moved to allow Neil inside.

“I’m not that early, am I?”

“Go sit down. I’ll be out in a few minutes,” she said as she turned to head to the bathroom.

He didn’t sit down. He paced back and forth in front of the living room window. He glanced at his watch with each turn he made.

She didn’t take very long to finish putting on her makeup and set the style in her hair. When she got to the entrance of the living room, she became puzzled by the impatientness Neil was showing.

After taking a couple of steps into the room, she asked, “What’s wrong?”

Baffled by the sudden change in Janice, he replied, “Nothing Janice. I’m nervous, I guess. Let’s get going.”

Once sitting at a booth at the Denny’s, Janice started the conversation. “Do you leave tomorrow?”

“Yes. I’ll be expected at work by mid-afternoon.”

“Neil, I feel that I must tell you what I’ve been thinking the last few days.”

He placed his mug of coffee on the table and looked straight at her.

“I think Willa was trying to match us up. And I do have to admit that our conversation at the party was exhilarating and comfortable for me.” He nodded in agreement. “When you asked me out for this evening, I was looking forward to it. But then I started wondering if there was something more between us. I’m sorry but it’s been bothering me. And I’m sorry about earlier.” She took a gulp of air into her lungs, picked up the mug of coffee set before her, and waited for Neil’s reaction.

Neil looked down and then started to smile. He looked back up to meet Janice’s glance. “That’s what I was nervous about. Janice, we still have it. We still read each other so well. Romance didn’t work for us back then and it doesn’t work now. Let’s end this conversation and talk about something else.”

On the drive home, Janice felt so free. I wonder if we can keep this going long distance.

Walking up the cement walkway to her front door, Neil said, “I’ll be back in town in approximately four months from now. Could I see you then?”

Janice looked at him sideways with skepticism. “What do you mean, Neil?”

“Don’t get the wrong idea. I thought we could have dinner again.”

She put her key into the lock, stopped, and looked at Neil. “Okay, you have a deal, same time of day and same place.”

Neil leaned down and gave her a peck on the mouth. “I bid you ado.” He turned and strolled back down the walkway as Janice slipped inside her home.

How did I do on this one?

 

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9 comments on “Knowing Stranger – part 3

  1. fingerprintwriting
    2015/02/08

    I enjoyed reading this story, Glynis. Nice!
    Have a great week. 🙂

    Like

  2. Jacqui Murray
    2015/02/06

    Nicely done so far, Glynis. This is a reaction scene–to the party/dinner. I like it, and it’s necessary.

    Like

    • Glynis Jolly
      2015/02/06

      I’m glad you enjoyed it, Jacqui. This is the last of this series. I’ll be finishing the one, The Chill of the Morning, starting next Friday.

      Like

  3. Cat
    2015/02/06

    One of the hardest things for me is to write interesting dialogue. I think it is harder to keep the reader’s attention, unless of course, you’re good at it and I really do think you are. Another thing I liked is that the reader doesn’t necessarily need to go read the other two parts without understanding the gist of the story and you managed to do that without long explanations. I’m not sugar coating here, I know that’s probably what you’re thinking! Both characters personality shone through in this, with only a couple of tiny winy minor mistakes that are not even worth mentioning, but I want you to believe I’m giving a balanced point of view. Believe in yourself more, Glynis 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • Glynis Jolly
      2015/02/06

      Okay Cat, what are the couple of tiny winy minor mistakes? You can’t leave me hanging. :/

      Thank you so much for your compliments. I feel comfortable writing dialog. I can vision 2 people speaking to each other in my mine so easily. It’s as if I’m watching a movie. What you said about how I project of gist of the story without long explanations — I assume the reader has a decent memory of the other two parts and just needs a little to tie things together.

      Thanks again, Cat. 😀

      Like

      • Cat
        2015/02/07

        As I said, they’re hardly worth mentioning. Rereading this morning, I can only see one mistake in this sentence
        And I’m sorry about earlier.” She took a gulp of air into her lungs, picked up the mug of coffee set before her, and waiting for Neil’s reaction.
        Should it not read, “and waited for Neil’s reaction”
        I told you, they’re not worth mentioning, excellent piece, Glynis 😉

        Liked by 1 person

        • Glynis Jolly
          2015/02/07

          You are absolutely right. How did I miss that? I’ll be changing that right now. Thank you! ❤

          Liked by 1 person

          • Cat
            2015/02/08

            it wasn’t worth mentioning 😉

            Like

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This entry was posted on 2015/02/06 by in flash scenes & short stories, writing prompt and tagged , , , .

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